I have never been in a substantial relationship with a guy. To be frank, I am scared to be in love. I am anxious and not sure that I even want to be married. The world around us is only turning into a more nightmarish place to exist. So, how can a marriage/relationship last in this world? How do couples bear through financial struggles, raising difficult children, sickness/disorders, etc. etc. etc. The list of all the things wrong with this world goes on and on.
To me, it sounds like nothing is fun after the honeymoon stage. What I mean by honeymoon stage is the period in which you get the feeling of being high off of love. This eventually fades, am I right? Granted, I have never experienced falling in love and then having the love fade. But, from what my eyes see, couples around me are not what they used to be. They’re disappointed with what their lives turned out to be. They do not seem to be in love the way they probably were a couple years ago. People cheat on each other, they lie, they become addicted to other things, they become adulterous, they lack passion. Then, they get divorced or they separate.
So, this is why I fear love. And perhaps this means I fear commitment, because if I am going to love someone, I want to love like God. But, isn’t this impossible? “Like God”? I guess many people strive to become like Christ. But HELLO – none of us will ever be able to love exactly like Christ. This is scary to me. I am scared to fail. And the problem is that when I fail, I do not want to give up, but I know I will be tempted to. Perhaps I will be married and fail; I do not want divorce. I hate that word. If I am going to act like Christ, I am going to learn to forgive like Christ and be with someone who can forgive like Christ. I know it’s easy to say this now when I have yet to handle life’s curveballs. But, I feel my faith on fire. During this moment, during this youthful moment of my life, I am doubting myself constantly. But, as long as I can remind myself that God is with me constantly, then there won’t be anything that I can’t handle.
So the fear lies in forgetting that Jesus and Mary are holding my hand during this post-honeymoon stage. Ten years will pass and things will be miserable. Yes, I know that I will probably not get the butterflies I once did when we first met. Perhaps things will be a little more dry. We will have seen each other in our most natural forms and behaviors. We will have learned almost everything there is to know about each other. It won’t be as exciting as the moment of our first date, first kiss, our wedding, our honeymoon, etc. You will be frustrated that I left my shoes in the living room, forgot to do the laundry, skipped washing the dishes for a day, etc. I will perhaps be annoyed when you come home from work in a bad mood, when you maybe do not spend enough time with your children, and when you do not help me wash those dishes.
So yeah, things will probably be dreadful, right? But, the problem is people who are miserable are forgetting about the third party to their relationship – God. It is impossible to always please each other; because we are in this world, and it is absolutely impossible to please the world. The good news is that we should not be trying to please the world. St. John Vianney said, “You cannot please both God and the world at the same time. They are utterly opposed to each other in their thoughts, their desires, and their actions.” As long as we both strive to please God, we will find honest happiness and a love that never ceases to be electrifying. It is difficult to remember that we are not of this world, but rather we are only in it. There is a wonderful place for us to be after our time on this earth has ended. A place where we can finally be in perfect union with our Creator. I firmly believe that couples who strive to love like Christ during this life will experience a greater love in the life to come.
So offer up your sufferings to the Lord and “Abandon yourself into the hands of Mary. She will take care of you.” – St. Padre Pio