First, let me be honest. I have never been in a relationship. I’ve almost been in one, but it wasn’t quite there. So, hopefully you can continue reading this or if you do not think I am qualified to write about it then you can discontinue reading this. Either way, you won’t go wrong.
In the midst of budding relationships, I keep acknowledging my alone-ness, or independence, however you want to put it. But keep in mind that I do not use this negatively. I have never had a complaint about being on my own all the time for so long. I WILL admit that I have had thoughts of wanting a boyfriend, duh, of course. Which girl has not had these thoughts? you can not try to tell me that you’re a girl who has never wanted a companion or felt the need for one. (although I do believe we do not ever NEED someone like that). Anyway, so you get it. I have had all the same feelings that you’ve ever had.
Then, I come to terms with the fact. My creator and controller of my life has not yet introduced me to my potential significant other for the most obvious reason – I am simply not ready. And when I tell myself that or ask myself if I were given the opportunity to be in a serious relationship RIGHT NOW, “would I be ready for it?” the answer is no. There is no way in hell I am ready for that type of commitment right now! No, I am not ‘scared’ of commitments. People who are scared need to grow up, just by the way. The fact of the matter is that a serious relationship, in my opinion, at least, is something where a person loves another with all their being, even when it is not easy to love that person sometimes. Despite their flaws and deficiencies in areas, I want to be able love someone so truly and deeply. I am certainly not ready to do that.
When I say I am not ready, it means I have not matured to really learn how to love someone like that. I at least know that is what real love is for me, but there is no way I am ready to pursue it. Here is why – my life is a daily practice of learning to love myself. One day I might look in the mirror and like who I am and another day I will be horrified. The fact of the matter might be that maybe I’d be better at loving others than myself, but that just does not make any sense. Loving yourself consists of making yourself the best you can be for whoever you might end up with romantically later on. It means accepting your flaws and your deficiencies and working to make them right. It means that this search so many of us go on to find “the one” should end now because rather you should be working on your soul. It means that this idea of ‘I found my other half’ is nonexistent, because you should have been complete without having to meet another person to “complete you.” Work to complete yourself. This means that life is a journey where we should be in the middle of pursuing a relationship with our creator (that would be the Good Lord Jesus, for me) and on the way, praying for the salvation of our future spouses, as well!
So take a deep breathe and embrace that independence of yours because God has blessed you with all this time on your own to find Him and love Him and through Him, you will get to know and love yourself.
Thanks for reading!
a frenzied soul